Sincerely,
Tobore Mit Ovuorie!
I am at my wits end and don’t know what to do nor who to turn to. I got married in 2005 but before the wedding, the marriage counselors in my church had advised my husband and I not to allow relations live with us. They had said relations’ interference is what cracks and breaks marriages most of the time. We agreed to do that. But a few weeks to the wedding, my husband told me his family had told him not to send his younger sister who was then living with him away on the ground that it would be difficult for her to get a husband. They had claimed that no man will take the lady serious were she to live on her own. I suggested to him that she should go live with some of her friends but he refused. It became an issue between us and he almost called off the wedding even after all the preparations had been completed. I had to accept because I was then 36 years old and men hardly lasted with me. The wedding then went ahead.
To be honest, even before the wedding, my attitude changed towards the sister. Looking back now, I respect her for ignoring all my uncivil actions towards her. I really shouldn’t have had any reason to be cold towards her but I was, may be because she is very pretty and her brother chose her over me. Notwithstanding all I did to her, she yet overlooked my actions. She was even hardly at home; she would leave the house so early in the morning and returned late at night. To be honest, I have been unfriendly towards my husband’s family right from day one; even the wives of his brothers were not excluded from my snubbing list. My family is not richer than his but I capitalized on his love for me because he supported me no matter what I did to his family.
Not up to three months into our marriage, the younger sister as well grew cold towards me. She no longer greeted me and when she did, it was quite speedy and wouldn’t wait for any response from me before zooming off to her room. She would stay in there, cook her meals there and would only come out to chat with her brother. His sister is someone you can never tell what could be going through her mind. She never confronted me for once nor did we have any argument. Looking back now, I respect that young lady.
But nine months into our marriage, my husband who used to support everything I did and said all of a sudden changed to the extent that we had a serious argument one Sunday and he beat me to pulp. His sister was around, heard us fighting, heard me shouting and crying yet did not come out of her room to settle us, if not, at least rescue me. Out of anger, I left the house for my family. My family sent for my husband and he never bothered going to see them or come for me. We had to go see him and all he said was he never asked me to leave the house, so owed them no apology. I returned to the house but never knew I had lost my home.
A year into the marriage, my husband’s sister on her own left the house, I didn’t know where she left to but I was kind of happy. My husband and I started living alone and three months later, my two sisters moved into the house with us. Surprisingly, my husband said nothing. He continued to be the quiet man I had always known. By a year and seven months into the marriage, he resigned his teaching job and started going to UK, US and other countries to get goods to sell. His business was flourishing while I never suspected anything.
Aunty Igho, you will not believe that a month ago someone showed me a photograph of my husband, a lady, three kids and his sister in which they were all smiling like a united family. The person intimated me that the kids are my husband’s, the lady is his wife whom he married in 2007 (two years after our wedding) and all my in-laws are aware and in support of it. I almost fainted because all this while, he was still coming home except while away on business trips.
When I called and confronted him, he simply cut the phone on me and has not returned home ever since. I then tried everything to get the other lady’s address and went to her house in Ikoyi. Can you imagine, I live in Agege, while my husband got a house for this lady in Ikoyi. When I got there, my sister-in-law was there and blocked me from entering the house. She even threatened to call the security on me if I didn’t leave immediately. Sincerely, that was the first time I saw my sister-in-law angry. I tried going to see my parents-in-law but discovered they no longer live where they were when they came for my hand in marriage. I was told they had relocated to the village in Delta state. I don’t even know my way there and don’t know where any of his brothers or relations lives. He never took me to the homes of any of his relations may be because I was cold towards them, while they never came visiting us.
Aunty Igho, I need help urgently; I am running insane. I am now lost for what to do because even my family members are now blaming me. They are calling me a foolish girl who did not learn from her mother’s mistake and that of her aunts. My father, I learnt abandoned my mum the way my husband has done. Could it be that this is a lineage curse or my in-laws charmed my husband against me? Please, what can I do for I heard my husband also paid the bride price of the mother of his children while I am the legitimate wife though I still have no child of my own. Please, help me out before I kill myself.
Alero,
Agege, Lagos.
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